Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

Saturday, May 7, 2011


Regression, according to psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, is a defense mechanism leading to the temporary or long-term reversion of the ego to an earlier stage of development rather than handling unacceptable impulses in a more adult way. The defense mechanism of regression, in psychoanalytic theory, occurs when thoughts are pushed back out of our consciousness and into our unconscious.[1]

I'm sure you're wondering why I'm giving you the definition of regression.  Well the reason is because this is what you're doing right now when it comes to the adoption.  As of late you don't "remember" your birth mother's name when we ask you and when you do "remember" her name it isn't right.  You tell us that Tiffany is your birth mother.  Lately when we ask who your birth mother is your response is, "What birth mother?" and then change the subject.  I don't think this is healthy but the doctor seems to believe this is the only way you know how to deal with the emotions and feelings that you have regarding the situation.  So in my compassion for your birth mother I wanted to give her a birth mother's day gift.  I thought you seeing a picture of your birth mother wouldn't be a big deal... Boy was I wrong.  I was going to have you color a picture of you and your birth mom and send it to her.  I thought my plan was flawless until you saw her picture on the computer and went SCREAMING into our closet and started having yet another panic attack.  You haven't had a panic attack in a few months now (since we decided it was better for you to close the adoption) and I thought you were done having them.  This was by far the worst one you've ever had.  My heart broke as you cried and attempted to calm down (it took almost an hour).  You ended up sleeping in mommy and daddy's bed that night because you were so scared to sleep in your own bed because of the night mares you knew would come.  And they did come, three of them actually.  Each time you'd cry out "No don't touch me. Leave me alone Jordan."  My heart was breaking the entire night as I held you close to try and calm you the best I could.  I feel horrible that because of me you've had to deal with some of the demons of your past again.  I feel horrible that you even have these "demons" of your past.  I wish I could take this pain from you.  I wish I could heal the wounds.  I don't know that I can but in my efforts to try I will give you extra hugs and kisses forever.
I love you forever.  
I'll like you for always.  
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.

Love Mommy

No comments:

Post a Comment